Welcome better back!

Bear with me this is gonna be a little random.

Yesss, new mattress is gonna arrive tomorrow! I am so darn happy! Finally can bid goodbye to those uncomfy and unhealthy sleeping nights. You know I have been sleeping in a crazily thin and indented mattress for the past 2 years and I wake up every morning with a quite serious backache. This is especially unbearable during menses! Been planning to buy a new sturdy mattress but again it's the money's matter! Living here is all about to succumb, because once you do the conversion, your heart's howling and haemorrhaging! But of course that's not that bad; in lieu with your health and slumber, that seems worth. I hope so!

Forgot to tell I had my spinal screening today and to no surprise, my neck and shoulder are quite badly affected as too much stress are imposed in this area. Ok la, I admit I have very poor sedentary posture especially when I am working in front of my pc. Seriously gotta get rid of this!

Eh how come time passes so fast? It's almost a quarter after one!

But I don't need anybody. :P

See you guys around!

A little update!

Wow, this is so long derelict! I can already smell the dust!

So I am actually remorseful about this and hence I come across the idea of resurrecting it. In a brand new way. In some times I hope to renovate a bit about this. I've not been changing the layout, background, and header for like the past five years and now I would want to sort of bestow it a new life. Well, I hope that applies to me as well.

I know this incurs lots of time and efforts so the next step is to make sure that I am persevered and determined enough to keep this going!

Fingers crossed. Stay tuned!


See you soon!

Beauty

Be it pessimistic or realistic, sometimes I am quite assertive to the point that good looking actually helps in many aspects which i cant specifically tell one by one. You figure them out. LOL.

And that you have no idea hw much times i can actually slack just to think how to make myself look a little nicer or precisely, prettier. Lunatic? Yes i know. I'd even drafted a to-do list in my mind which i seek both times and money to accomplish. LOL. No joke. I even contemplate plastic surgery wth.

You can tell hw a low self-esteem person I am by all these. In fact there were times i really lied on the couch thinking why wasnt i born with big dolly eyes, sharp nose, well shaped eyebrows and very ruly teeth! The older i grow, the more i realise how much does beauty actually mean to me. And the urge of making myself look good grows stronger because i am so inclined to what the society norm has actually educated me. I suppose i need no further construe on this statement. To make it simple, the law of attraction is probably applicable only to those with overriding appearance.

I am this clueless i knw that's why i am striving very hard to make myself look better knowing that i wasnt born with such preponderance. I know this makes the whole thing sounds even more deplorable. But wait a minute, i didnt just say you have to be of total ignorance to your inner beauty to look physically good. Of course both are equally vital. When one is in lack of inner beauty, he or she is merely an empty soul to his/her pretty face. But talking about first impression, ask yourself a simple question: how often do ppl get hooked of your credentials or personality before your outlook? Seriously i never believe in guys who say they will never care about the outlook of a girl. No, not until i am convinced to.

Maybe i overreact over this matter because there are always possibilities which i intentionally ruled out as i can hardly see them happening to me by far. That maybe also explains why most guys fancy over kpop female celebs by selectively ignore the scalpel marks and other cosmetics substances on their faces. Sole answer to this phenomenon: They are so result driven and outer beauty has its significance.

But wait, who cares about the guys now? I am all ready for the shopping spree in the town for my head- to-toe-care products. And i just cant wait to make myself even prettier. LOL.

I hope to see you guys two days later. Sweet dreams!

Random

There you go.

I finally handed my resignation letter.

Nightmare is gonna end.

Hurray.

Damn!

Damn, why do all troubles come at the same time?
I hate FYP!!!!!!
I hate FYP!!!!!!

Arghhhhhhh!!!!!!!

self doubt.

You know sometimes listening to other's glorious stories or sucesses doesnt necessary mean a good thing.
It makes you feel how tiny you are, how inconpiscous you can be.
I am always a failure. In every realm.
I dont have flair in arts. My drawing sucks.
Music can never be my powress. I know nothing about the notes.
Math and Science? My indisputably Achilles heel. I scored 2 for my Math test before.
Business? Are you kidding me? I hate fumbling with numbers.
Cooking and bakery? If only you dare to try.
Sports? I would probably die gasping for air.
Language? Seems like the only thing I am comfortable with.
But...
If 100 is the full mark in terms of proficiency, 40 would most probably be the highest for me.

You know sometimes you really dont wanna listen to such stories. But so unfortunately you are surronded with them.
You have siblings and  cousins who struck straight As in their public exam and remained top students during their scholar life.
You have cousins who work as accountant and lawyer and earn a considerable sum of money each month.
You have cousin who was the runner up of math competition at the national level.
You have friends from primary school are now lawyer-and-doctor-to-be and speak effing good English.
You have parent's friends child who scores 3.96 in S'pore college and prepares for scholarship application to study abroad.

Wow, spectacular? Cant deny. Who are you then?  You remain the comparison of them so it shows a terribly great contrast.
I am not a top student. Never. I obtained normal or probably low grade.
I dont work now. Even if i do, the pay may probably be sufficient only for each month's expenses.
I didnt take part in any competition. None of the trophy in the cabinet belongs to me.
I am just a El students. The farrest i can go will probably be higher educator. How much money do you think I can make? And I speak terrible English.
Scholarship? Can only be in my dream perhaps.

Remorseful? I am. I never strived? No, I did. But just people strive double or maybe triple than i did. I am not blaming or what. oh wait, maybe i am. But just dont know why  am I always not the lucky one, why am I always the insignifacant one. Then what do you do? You hide in the corner, begin self-doubting and see your confidence ebbing or vanishing gradually.

It is not something personal. Sometimes you just feel like you dissapoint your parents. Becasue when they talk about you in front of the relatives and  their friends, they got nothing to be proud of. Like erm... this is my second daughter and she studies EL in university. Full stop. That's it. You understand that? You can call it vanity but deep down inside every parents' heart, there is just something they dont speak out but do potray in their faces, isnt it?

Sigh. It's time to get up and think over it again.

Nights peeps.

=(

My heart aches inexplicably,
Reading those comments in your profile.
My heart aches inexplicably,
Thinking you are holding her hand, and going for a date.

=(